I’m a 26 year old, celibate black gay man; SO WHAT!
Okay, so from the title of the post, I knoy’all you guys are already side-eying me, and smacking your teeth, but I promise to you before God, grits, bacon and eggs, it is true, I am celibate.
I started this practice before my last relationship ended. When I first got with my partner, I expressed to him my concerns and fears about contracting any STD’s, especially HIV/AIDS and that if he were to step out on me to be communicative about it.
My father passed away from complications of Aids, and I’ve had a host of gay male cousins and good friends to succumb to complications of the disease, so I’ve always be weary of putting myself in any position that would cause my worse fears to come true.
These days dying from complications of HIV/AIDS is highly unlikely due to the vast amount of resources available to people to keep them healthy, but it still happens to those who don’t take care of themselves properly.
Moving on, I remember going to my ex’s phone and coming across his Dropbox with recent uploads at that time of him having raw sex with multiple people and my body went into shock. Not from the sight of him having raw sex and obviously cheating on me, but at the fact that he would put my life at risk, after I’d expressed to him my private fears.
Once I acknowledged my viewing of the video and his infidelity, I took him back, but the sexual energy we once shared was gone. I vowed to never touch him again until I could trust him, which never happened.
I’ve never been a fan of casual sex. In my immediate family, the women dated, but, I never saw them move from penis to penis. So as an adult I didn’t want that for myself. It is true, Black gay men date like the black women in their lives. (Although I don’t subscribe to herternormative ideals, this is still true.)
I’ve never liked the idea of one night stands, and multiple sexual partners. In fact, you have to sexualize me mentally before I even consider getting into bed with you.
After my last partner, the years went on, I threw myself into work, and I never thought about sex or even desired to be with someone in that way.
There have been times to where I thought I wanted to experience different partners but could never keep the same attitude when it came down to closing the deal and would send them about their way.
So, as you know, the dating pool for me is slim to none. Gay men are hypsersexual and crave sex from anybody, however, whenever. That’s totally not me, and I can’t get into that mindframe.
Before I knew it, 1 year and turned into 4, and then 4 into 5, and almost 6 with no penetration or oral sex, and at this point, I’m turned off by the thought. I think I may be broken!
I crave so much more for myself. Honestly, I don’t have to be married, but I would like someone to fully get to know ME, my desires, my dreams, what I want out of life, and vice versa before trying to get into my bedroom.
Once I tell guys that I’m celibate, they either stop talking to me altogether, or I dead them because the conversation becomes dry and uninteresting.
Once, I told a guy that I wasn’t having sex with him, and he proceeded to pull out his iPad and watch porn. (Talk about an awkward moment!) Guys really want what they want, when they want it!
My thing is, why should I have to have sex with you in order for you to want to get to know me and what I like and vice versa? Why does that have to be a deciding factor?
Out of my immediate circle of gay male friends, I am the sexually inactive guy and they think that I’m crazy. Even to a degree I think I’m crazy because i don’t know of any 20 something men gay or straight saying their not sexually active in this day and age. Or maybe they’re crazy! Who knows!
But yes, I’m a 26 year old, black gay male, and I am celibate!